"The heart never takes the place of the head: but it can, and should, obey it."
--The Abolition of Man, C.S. Lewis
There have only been a few times in my life that I truly remember not listening to what my heart was telling me. The first time I really remember it, was the night before I left for China. My friends had thrown a huge surprise party for me, which was awesome, and then they asked me if I wanted to spend the night, which of course I did. I remember thinking that I should go home and spend time with my mom and sister - who were the only ones home that night - instead of staying with my friends, but I didn't. Even today, my heart almost hurts thinking that I didn't spend that time with my mom that I could have. It makes me sad.
Unfortunately, just because I have only a few memories of not listening to my heart, does not mean that my heart doesn't try tell me more. My problem is listening to my head and doing what I want to do, instead of listening to my conscience. In retrospect, I can see this especially in high-school. A lot of things that should have bothered me about myself, and about what I put up with in others did not bother me, and even if it did, I remember ignoring it. Thankfully though, I can say that looking back at last semester and seeing this semester, God has been working in my heart, and is bringing back that sensitive conscience.
I am learning, like C.S. Lewis says I should, to obey my heart. It is my prayer that my heart may be bursting with Christ's love and grace.