Sunday, July 18, 2004

Why elves sleep with their eyes open!

Several experts* have their own theories; I’ve collected the best of them here!

One theory says that it has something to do with keeping an eye out for men. As we all know, men don’t exactly take baths every day... and if one of those things come up to you… they might- hug you! This unfortunate thing happened to Haldir of Lorien, and, as we saw, was killed by the after effects.

Another theory is that it’s to make sure that you can spot a human who wants you to fall in love with them, and make you give up your immortality! I mean, dude, you might grow a- a... beard... and then... start to smell like a human...

And yet another theory is The Watchdog Instinct: Maybe you’ve noticed, but elven men seen to be very keen on keeping their daughters away from men... they sleep outside their daughter’s rooms, with their eyes open, just in case. This becomes habit, and now they are doomed to sleep with their eyes open! They learned their lessons from Thingol and Elrond!

For some reason, all of these theories revolve around keeping men away... and we can only wonder why these experts think elves are paranoid about men. Well, I hate to break the news to you, but it very well might be true. I have this as evidence:

A can of Lysol spray sanitizer was found after the battle of Helm’s Deep, on the wall. My assumption (and this is based on eyewitnesses) is that the elves that Haldir brought took these along with them. According to an eyewitness, the elves were seen spraying the walls and ground wherever the men had been...

As for me, I only have one theory on why elves sleep with their eyes open...

They’re so anxious for ROTK to come out, they just can’t get to sleep!


* Disclaimer: In reality, No experts have come up with such theories, they’re just figments of my insanity!


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

hehe, that's really funny!!