Following your heart?

"The heart never takes the place of the head: but it can, and should, obey it."

--The Abolition of Man, C.S. Lewis

There have only been a few times in my life that I truly remember not listening to what my heart was telling me. The first time I really remember it, was the night before I left for China. My friends had thrown a huge surprise party for me, which was awesome, and then they asked me if I wanted to spend the night, which of course I did. I remember thinking that I should go home and spend time with my mom and sister - who were the only ones home that night - instead of staying with my friends, but I didn't. Even today, my heart almost hurts thinking that I didn't spend that time with my mom that I could have. It makes me sad.

Unfortunately, just because I have only a few memories of not listening to my heart, does not mean that my heart doesn't try tell me more. My problem is listening to my head and doing what I want to do, instead of listening to my conscience. In retrospect, I can see this especially in high-school. A lot of things that should have bothered me about myself, and about what I put up with in others did not bother me, and even if it did, I remember ignoring it. Thankfully though, I can say that looking back at last semester and seeing this semester, God has been working in my heart, and is bringing back that sensitive conscience.

I am learning, like C.S. Lewis says I should, to obey my heart. It is my prayer that my heart may be bursting with Christ's love and grace.

2 Corinthians 6:3-10

"We put no stumbling block in anyone's path, so that our ministry will not be discredited. Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the life; through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as impostors, known, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything."

This is a beautiful reflection of how we should feel about our Christian walk.  We must commend ourselves in every way, to share the same gospel with those around us. The challenge is to let our light, and to show our confidence in Christ, through hardships like the ones listed: beatings, imprisonments, dishonor, bad reports, being regarded as an impostor, sorrow, yet through it all, rejoicing. I loved the end especially, "having nothing, and yet possessing everything." For me, these verses are almost life verses. I have not felt all of those, but pain has been a part of my life, for me, but also for my friends and family. I truly realize that I possess everything when I am in fellowship with Christ. And that is where my heart strives to be. 

In battle the victory goes to Love;

Prizes and properties fall to Love.

Love dallies the night

On a girl's soft cheeks,

Ranges across the sea,

Lodges in wild meadows.

O Love, no one can hide from you:

You take gods who live forever,

You take humans who die in a day

And they take you and go mad.

~Antigone